


Fragile Thread

by Bace_Jeleren



Category: Kill la Kill (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Assisted Suicide, Bullying, Depression, F/F, Prostitution, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-16
Updated: 2018-10-16
Packaged: 2019-08-02 22:20:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16313735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bace_Jeleren/pseuds/Bace_Jeleren
Summary: Ryuko is a high school student who has lost her way, but one night helping her classmate, Mako, do the unspeakable will change her forever.





	Fragile Thread

_Everyone is so loud. It's just damn annoying._

_I wish they'd all just disappear._

"Yo, Ryuko! You're here a lot earlier than usual!"

A voice calls me, and I consider not opening my eyes- like really consider it. Should I just pretend to be asleep? Maybe if I do, they'll just go away. Chances are they won't, knowing them, so I slowly, begrudgingly open my eyes, holding back none of my annoyance.

People have just now begun to file into the classroom, washing away the peace I had been enjoying in the once empty, silent room. Now these walls are filled with laughter and cheers and squeals and whispers- all of it is just noise to me. Legs kicked up and crossed over my desk and chair leaned far back, I have to strain myself to look at who had addressed me with a groan at a medium volume (any louder and I'd sound like an angry caveman).

Sanageyama Uzu of the athletics club has made an unwelcome appearance- and he's brought company: a group of people who think that, just because we talk semi-often that makes us friends.

"Y'know, I'd think twice about sitting like that." He laughs, waiting for me to raise an eyebrow in slight curiosity. "Everyone can see your panties when you sit like that."

I gasp, trying to pull my legs from off my desk and throw myself forward and do it gracefully. It ends with me slamming mu gut against the edge of my desk and making a noise that sounds like I'm being strangled. I slam my fist angrily against the table and glare at Uzu through my blush.

"Well, it wouldn't be a problem if you didn't roll your skirt up passed the given height." Gomogoori Ira huffs. I look at the gorilla of a man standing before me with a nettled glance. It's not unlike the head of the disciplinary committee to rail off about the rules all the time, but that doesn't make it any less annoying.

"Shut up, Gomogoori!" I snap. "I'm a high school student, not a nun! The only people who wear their skirt below the knee are losers and nerds!"

"Heh, the nerd part sounds accurate, but I'm not too sure about the loser part. I mean, aren't _you_ kind of a loser, Ryuko?" Jakuzure Nonon chortles in her usual girlish voice. Nonon is adorable and pixie-like on all accounts accept for her attitude- _that_ would be more at home on an old, angry troll.

"You shut up, too!" I bark. Nonon merely laughs.

Lucky for me and my shrinking patience with the other three, Inumuta Houka of the computer club remains silent and, instead, simply pushed up his glasses in quiet agreement.

"Seriously, though, why are you here so early?" Uzu asks curiously. "Normally you hardly even make it to homeroom."

"I mean, I guess you actually being on time for once is a step in the right direction, I still can't help but wonder why." Ira adds.

I consider telling all of them it's none of their business, but I know deep down it will all just be futile in the end. They'll push and push the matter until I tell them just to get them off my back. I'll never know if they do these things out of legitimate concern or just to be annoying- because it certainly is the later, regardless.

"I got into a gigantic fight with Satsuki last night." I begin as they all (nearly simultaneously) lean in to listen. Whenever I bring up Satsuki they all seem to get incredibly interested. I guess I can't blame them, she attended our school up until last year and all of them really looked up to her. Whenever I talk about Satsuki they all listen intently, like I'm talking about some illusive idol or something.

"Over what?" Nonon pries. I click my tongue in annoyance, but continue.

"I just got home really late last night from my part-time job, that's all. And she made a big deal about it and kept nagging me about staying out past curfew and I didn't want to hear it. My refusal to listen to her nag only made her more angry." I explained. "I didn't want to start part two of the argument this morning, so I left before she woke up. Not much to do around this piss-poor town anyway, so I had no choice but to come here."

"You shouldn't be so hard on your sister, Ryuko." Ira scolds. I glare up at him passed all his bulging muscles, but he continues on, unaffected by my gaze. "She's been taking care of you and your home since your father went overseas. Don't you think she deserves a little bit more of your respect after all she's sacrificed to keep things in order?"

"All she ever does is nag at me. 'Ryuko, stop that', 'Ryuko don't do this', 'Ryuko you're not allowed to do these things'! Maybe if she didn't try and shelter me like a child I'd respect her more."

"Well, maybe if you stopped acting like a child..." Nonon mumbles under her breath, but loud enough for me to hear.

"Why in the world do you have a part time job, anyway?" Houka finally mumbles through his high collar of his uniform. "I mean, let alone it's one that keeps you busy until all hours, there's no real reason for you to even have one. Your father sends you and your sister more than enough money to get by."

"Not to mention it's against the rules for us to even have part time jobs." Ira cuts in.

"God, just shut up about the rules for five damn seconds, would you!?" I snap, pulling myself forward as if I'd begun to lunge at the giant. But, instead, I sigh loudly and quickly retreat back into my chair. "I just like having money I can spend on myself. The allowance Satsuki gives me wouldn't even satisfy a child. I'd have to save up for months to buy the clothes and games I want on what she gives me. Dad gives us more than enough, like you said- a large chunk of what he sends winds up in savings, though, to never be touched. I have no choice but to earn my own money if I actually want to go out and enjoy myself..."

I pause and look up at Ira who appears to have stopped listening, and instead is looking off somewhere to the side.

"Oi, Gomo-gorilla, you gigantic bastard, are you even paying attention!?"

"Hmm?" Everyone else looks around his bulky form to see what he's looking at: an empty desk at the far end of the room. At this point, it's the only desk that doesn't have a person to sit in it.

"It's the third day..." Ira mutters. Nonon, sneering and laughing, interrupts the short silence that followed.

"Eeh? Isn't that Mankanshoku's seat?" She grins, looking up at Ira slyly. "What? You got a crush on that airhead?"

"W-What!? No! Absolutely not!" Ira denies loudly, a blush appearing on the lightly-tanned skin of his cheeks. "I am simply concerned that Mankanshoku's been missing for three days without any given reason for her absence! As a member of the disciplinary committee it _is_ my duty to be aware of these things and-!"

"Heh, yup, a crush as big as the city I'd say." Nonon teases.

"Naw, the entire country is more like it." Uzu corrects, joining in on the fun of making Ira uncomfortable and deny their jeers even louder.

"It is a bit concerning, though. Any student suddenly vanishing for no reason should be something of Ira's concern." Houka says dryly.

" _Thank you_."

"That being said, there's little doubt that our friend Ira is attracted to Miss Mankanshoku in some form or another."

"Yeah- I mean wait a second! No!"

As the four of them begin to laugh and yell among themselves I find myself, too, looking over at the empty desk.

Mankanshoku Mako has been absent for three straight days. I narrow my eyes, deciding to hold my tongue about the matter. No doubt they'd swarm me if I told them I'd seen Mako the day before she vanished in a scene that would at least explain her disappearance. I'm sure if was something she'd rather not have spread all over school.

I'd been held after school to listen to my homeroom teacher complain about my constant tardies and how I'd probably not even be able to graduate with my grades and blah blah blah- it had pretty much devolved from him being a concerned teacher to him just going on and on about all the things that were wrong with my attitude and I didn't want to hear it. By the time I'd finally been allowed to go most everyone had either gone home or were busying themselves with club activities. I had the day off from work, so I was in no hurry to get home, so I took my time in leaving.

Lucky me, though, in my dawdling I came across what looked to be a fight. Alerted to it by a surprised scream, I looked into one of the classrooms to find a group of trendy girls bunched into a tight circle near the far corner of the room. One of them was holding a mop, another an empty bucket. Water pooled around their feet as they laughed.

"Oi!" I called out, not quite sure why I was even bothering. Before I could even ask them what they were doing, they all snapped their heads up in surprise and hurried out of them room, scattering like scared rabbits even though all of them were still laughing- or I guess they were cackling, not unlike banshies.

"Jeeze, what in the hell were they-?" I began to mutter as I looked back into the classroom I expected to be empty. Instead, there sat a single person in the puddle of water, head hung low and their now wet uniform clinging to their body. Even with wet hair, though, I recognized the out-of-style bowl cut anywhere: Mankanshoku Mako.

The fact she was a target of bullying was really no secret. But everyone at school would rather just mind their own business and not stick their necks out for anyone, so the rumors usually went unchecked and ignored. This was simply the first time I'd actually bore witness to it. Maybe my humanity got the best of me, because I found myself running into the classroom and to her side.

"H-hey! Are you alright?" I asked her. She jumped, obviously not having expected anyone to join her, before looking up at me with the biggest, dumbest grin ever. Maybe it was the fact she was soaked, or maybe it was the blood seeping from a small injury right above her brow, but it seemed obnoxiously unconvincing. I may have made a face at her in response, I don't quite remember.

"Oh, yeah, I'm perfectly fine!" She practically shouted as she shot to her feet and shook herself off like a dog. "Just a little rough-housing gone out of control, that's all!"

"But... you're bleeding."

"Huh?" Mako reached up to touch her injury and observed the blood on her fingers. "Well, would you look at that. Well, I wasn't kidding when I said things got out of control." She laughed.

"They were bullying you, weren't they?" I asked her, partially concerned but mostly fed up with her trying to act the problem away. "If you need them to stop, I can get rid of them."

"No need, no need, it's fine!" She assured me with a smile as she reached down and begun to wring out her skirt.

"But-!"

" _Thank you_." She said, her words and her smile now painfully forced. "But like I said I'm _fine_. Please, don't worry about me." She continued to smile and wring out her clothes.

"...Fine, if you're really okay." I grumbled. "No point in me sticking around." I stomped out of the room, only to stop at the door to look over my shoulder. Mako continued to grip at her skirt and twist it, even though no more water was being squeezed free from the fabric. She just stood there, continuing to twist and twist and twist. Part of me wanted to return back into the room, but instead I turned the corner and left.

After that day, Mankanshoku Mako stopped coming to school.

"What do you think?" Nonon finally addresses me. I look away from the empty desk and back at my unwelcome companions.

"About what?" I ask. "Mankanshoku, or Ira's crush the size of a planet."

"H-Hey!"

"Well, that too, but mostly about Mankanshoku." Nonon giggles. "You think something happened? Like maybe she got really hurt? Or had a run in with loan sharks?"

I sigh as I look over to her empty desk, remembering the final shot of her I'd seen.

"We probably shouldn't even bother." I mutter. "I'm sure she's fine."

* * *

"Ryuko!" I've managed to successfully elude Satsuki since I'd arrived home, but now that I'm finally at the door, ready to head out again, she finally calls out to me. In my surprise I turn around, clutching my bag full of my work clothes in my hands. I hadn't expected her to come out and stop me, especially since she had been on the computer only moments before. Usually, when Satsuki starts work for her online college classes she delves deep into them, works for hours and doesn't take notice of anything else. Until now, at least.

"What!?" I snap back. She's standing incredibly close- close enough to reach out and grab me if she wanted to. Her thick brows are knitted together in anger and her arms are firmly crossed. She remains silent long enough for me to lose my patience and groan, "What!?" a second time.

"Ryuko, we really need to talk." She finally speaks, her voice strong and stern.

"Well it's going to have to wait. I'll be late for work at this rate." I begin to turn around.

"That's just it, Ryuko! I'm sorry I got so mad last night- the thing is I... I'm worried about you. I mean, what sort of job keeps a high school girl out at work past midnight! It makes me think you're up to something you shouldn't be involving yourself with and-"

"Oh my god, please just... _shut up_!" I groan, hand clasped tightly around the door knob. "I'm not a little kid anymore, Satsuki! I can take care of myself without you looking over my shoulder every five seconds! I'm not dead or coming home injured, am I? Why should you even care!?"

"Because..." Satsuki hesitates, her strong voice waving just enough to be audible. "You're all the family I have right now. You're... my sister!"

"Cut the 'family' crap right out, Satsuki." I growl, looking over my shoulder. "You're _not_ my sister."

With that I angrily throw open the door and trudge outside, expecting to hear Satsuki calling after me but only getting silence. Those sorts of comments usually shut her right up, anyway. I'm not sure why I don't use them more often to get her off my back.

I continue my angry gait until I arrive at my usual destination- a bathroom in the park located closer to the city. I sigh, throwing my bag over my shoulder as I walk in and peer around (every once in a while I find homeless people hanging out in here). I guess Satsuki wasn't entirely wrong when she suspected I was actually up to no good. Then again, I never actually denied anything, so I never feel at all bad for lying. This is the place I get ready for my job. This is how my night as an escort usually begins.

I call it "escort" but it's pretty much prostitution. I just don't like calling it that, even to myself- the word has a lot of negative connotations. I feel my job has a more positive outcome than anything: I just work to make middle aged men trapped in loveless marriages happy or give poor, helpless virgins that first taste of bliss. I'm doing this for the betterment of man... or... something like that. Or maybe I do it because they pay is decent depending on my jobs. I forgot the actual reason a long time ago.

It's a pretty tightly run operation, though. The business itself is run out of an apartment in the city. No one actually lives there, it's just a place people go to arrange to meet with girls like me. They flip through a binder, or so I'm told, pick one of us out and then our boss gives us a call with a time and place. Simple, straight forward, easy. No complicated work schedule, no tricky, confusing things I have to do. I just have to doll myself up, have my cell phone handy and be willing to walk a couple of blocks. We try not to use the same hotels every time- to avoid suspicion. Sometimes even the apartment I have to go to in order to hand over the twenty percent to my handlers changes, but that's as difficult as it gets.

I lock myself in one of the stalls and begin my transformation. I hardly wear makeup, but I have all kinds of brushes and powders and glosses just for work. I hardly wear dresses, but I carry around several with me in my bag. I chose my favorite black and red number to begin- nothing too fancy, just a halter that ties behind my neck. My hair just needs a little brushing and I check my makeup in the large bathroom mirror before I head out, taking out my phone mere seconds before it starts to ring. I guess it's going to be a very busy night.

"Hello, Ryuko here." I greet as I begin to head toward the towering buildings of the city. "What do you have for me tonight?"

"Ready as always to get to work, I see, Miss Ryuko." My boss chuckles. He's an old man, about in his early 60's, probably wouldn't hurt a fly. His body guards he hired to accompany him wherever he goes, however... "Well, I hope you're in for something a little different. We got an interesting client that came in and asked specifically for you- definitely not our average fare."

"Who's the client?" I ask.

"Weeeeell, I'll let you figure that one out for yourself- hate to spoil the surprise. They seemed harmless enough, so there's really no need to worry." He laughs a wheezy laugh and I roll my eyes. "I did make an effort to warn them you're a little bit of a spit-fire, but they didn't seem to mind. Money wasn't much of an issue, either. Paid all the charges and your twenty percent up front and then some, so you'd better give them what they paid for."

"Right, right, pull out all the stops. Got it." I say snappily. After that, he gives me the address and I'm sent on my way. I really don't like how that old man arranges these "surprise clients" for me. They're usually all the freaks and nut jobs all the other girls are too stuck up to take. What they don't know is that the scum of the earth will pay a pretty penny to have someone pay them special attention they never got from anyone else. I just don't like dealing with them to get it, that's all. I wish someone else would step up to the plate and take on the guys with sister complexes, or the smelly, fat hikikomoris for once.

But they did ask for me by name, so I have no choice. I begin my journey to whatever odd, shady love hotel my night will begin in.

...Or so I think. My trek eventually leads me to one of the more extravagant hotels in the city. It towers over all the other buildings, it's opulence almost oppressive in a way. I stand before it, looking up at the building in awe. The boss did say that money hadn't been an issue for whoever had asked for me, but this... this was a whole other level of money not being an issue. This was money hardly even being an object. I suddenly become hyper aware of how trashy I look. Love hotels and the odd, run down apartment are one thing, but in the midst of one of the more fancy places of residence, I probably look very much like a street walker. I ready myself before heading in, one careful step at a time.

I try a little too hard to act like I belong there- well, I do, but for all the wrong reasons. After being approached by three separate members of the hotel staff, I finally make it to the elevators where I could relax. I look in the mirrored walls of the chamber as I road it to one of the higher-most floors, checking to see if my hair was still nice or if my makeup had smeared. The last thing I want to do is appear to be riff-raff in front of a client wealthy enough to afford such extravagance.

My heart pounds as I ride the elevator to the floor and wander around until I find the designated room. What kind of person is waiting for me beyond these doors. Even under different circumstances, I always wonder about this question and finally find myself worrying.

_The boss would never set you up with dangerous clients._

_Even if said person dropped a wad of cash?_

_Shut up, everything will be fine. Now stop being such a baby and get in there already!_

With a determined mutter I knock on the door, waiting to be welcomed inside.

"Door's open!"A voice calls- surprisingly, a female one. Not to say I've never worked with female clients before, it's just a rarity. Taken aback a few extra seconds I finally approach the door and let myself in.

The room is just as lavish as the rest of the hotel- spacious and luxurious from back to front- top to bottom. Everything looks expensive and smells faintly floral, lighted by the glow of a crystal chandelier hanging from the ceiling right above the bed. And, sitting on the bed, waiting for me...

A familiar, out-of-style bowl cut.

"M-MAKO!" I gasp, leaping back toward the door. There she is, sitting on the bed and smiling at me as if nothing is wrong. She's in her school uniform, even though she hasn't been to school in days. "W-WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!?"

"Well, you see-" She begins, but I'm still much too high-strung to give her a chance to speak.

"You've come here to bust me, haven't you! You heard I was doing shady work after school and are here to get me into trouble, aren't you!?" I cry, my head spinning. "I swear to god, if you tell anyone, I will personally break your legs!"

"Calm down, Ryuko, I'm not here to get you into trouble!" Mako tries to assure me, rising to her feet. "I'm sure whatever it is you do, you have a good reason for doing it. Now I want you to relax- I'm a paying customer, after all." A chuckle escapes her lips, and all at once I feel my panic seep out of me. She walks over to me and clasps my hands warmly and smiles. Mako has always been a little goofy, but this smile is sweet enough to almost make me melt.

She's different today. Calmer, quieter, sweeter- all of it strangely alluring.

"So... um..." I stammer, trying to find my footing. This is supposed to be my territory, and yet I feel like it's my first day on the job again. I feel awfully pathetic. "...About tonight..."

"Oh! Right! Sorry, you probably are wondering about payment." Mako exclaimed, running back over to the bed and reaching into her school bag she'd brought with her. Much to my mind-shattering shock, she pulls out a massive stack of money. I feel my legs buckle slightly. "Will this be enough?"

"Wh-what!? How much is... I mean..."

"I'd say there's about a good two-million yen in here, I think. I lost count." She laughs. "Is that enough? I can get more."

"NO! I mean... no, that... that's actually more than enough! That's a lot more than _desperate_ guys pay me! I'm sure the services I provide... I mean, I don't want to sound self-deprecating, but I don't think I'm at the level where my services are that prized!"

"Hmm? Oh! Oh my goodness, I didn't call you here to do _that stuff_!" Mako exclaims, her face turning beet red. "I've never even kissed someone before! There's no way I'd be able to... to..." She falters, overwhelmed by the simple word. Feeling a little more relaxed and a lot more confused, I pry.

"Then... why did you hire me?" I ask. "If not for-" I pause, taking note of Mako's blush. "-... _that_ , then what for?"

"Oh... well..." Mako pauses to breath, looking down at her feet as she toes the ground nervously. Then, all at once, she loses all of her nerves and looks me dead in the eyes. The sudden seriousness of her expression is enough to take me aback. "I hired you to assist me in my suicide."

The ground has vanished from beneath my feet. It doesn't simply feel like it has- surely it isn't there any more. The feeling of falling is way too real as I look into Mako's eyes, hoping she'll spring back and say she's kidding. But she doesn't- she only stares back at me, waiting for me to respond.

"You... you aren't... serious, are you?" I ask, voice quivering in a way even I can't control.

"I don't think I've ever been this serious about anything in my life..." Mako tells me. "I just... don't want to be alone when I do it, that's all. If it's too much for you, you're welcome to leave and take the money."

"But... Mako you can't!" I shout. "Is it the bullying!? I'll toss every single one of them, I'll make sure no one ever bullies you again!"

Mako shakes her head.

"It's not that, Ryuko. It's... something else. Something you probably don't really understand."

"What is it!? Your family? School!? _Debt_!? You don't have to do this, Mako. I... I can help you." I began to rail off in desperation.

"Thank you, Ryuko... I mean, it's really sweet of you to offer. But it's none of those things. School is fine, and my family loves me. It's... I'm just tired. It's hard to explain to someone like you still finds joy in things, hatred in things... I really shouldn't expect you to understand. It's not negativity, I'm not sad. I'm just ready to go, that's all. It's like... wanting to stop a loud, annoying noise, or wanting to leave a place you've grown tired of. I'm empty... and I'm ready to go."

"But-!"

"If you disagree, you're free to go. I've already made preparations- made my decision. I'd just feel a little better if I had someone here in my final moments. I want to leave this world knowing someone was there at the very end. Dying alone... It has such a sad ring to it."

"..." I look down at the floor, wanting desperately to run away- to escape and pretend I was never even here and hadn't heard any of what Mako had said. I'd just turn up to school one day to the news Mankanshoku Mako had died and act just as surprised as everyone else.

But I know deep down I can't. She's trapped me, knowing full well I'd never be able to turn away her request (and maybe the money, if I was more of an asshole). So, with a grimace I turn away, down to the floor and away from her expression- or lack of an expression. Her lips are drawn up in a smile, but it's just an outer shell of nothing. Her eyes only reflect what's in the room.

"...I'll stay."

"Thank you, Ryuko. I means a lot." Mako says, taking a few steps forward and resting her hands on my shoulders. "I don't have to go right now, so let's try to enjoy ourselves for a while."

"Right..." I mutter before finally raising my head. "I'm going to make the last night of you life... the best damn night if your life."

Mako smiles at me again and spins around- just in time, too, as tears finally begin to form in my eyes. I wipe them away before they can totally ruin my make up. If Mako isn't going to cry, then I won't cry. If Mako is going to smile, I'm going to smile, too-right up until the very end.

* * *

With Mako's insane amount of cash and my sweet talking, two high school kids found the ability to somehow have a bottle of sake sent up to the room. Then a bottle of wine. Then peach liqueur because it sounded interesting. Long, liver-destroying story short, it ends with us on the balcony of the room, looking out over the city, nearly-empty cups of alcohol weakly clasped in our hands. Mako still has the legs to stand and lean over the railing, but I've drank so much I have to sit down in one of the chairs set up on the balcony, staring up at Mako as she looks at the view, the wind gently blowing her hair to one side. Maybe it's the booze, but she looks beautiful in the light, looking half-asleep and completely drunk and satisfied.

"Hey, a toast to us, huh?" She laughs, her words slurred as she slowly holds up her cup and finishes her drink (the remains of the luke-warm sake mixed with the once chilled peach liqueur. I think we gave up drinking for taste ages ago).

"You keep toasting to us. Can't you toast to something different?" I ask before mirroring her anyway and finishing my own drink. My head swims and my body feels heavy. I feel like a rag doll, honestly, like I can't move my limbs on my own (and yet I was able to drink to Mako's repetitive toast).

"I suppose I could..." Mako pauses to hiccup and ponder over her empty glass. "A toast to tonight, then. I toast to finally... being happy." She tilts her head back and sticks out her tongue, catching a single, drop of alcohol on her tongue. I must be drunk, because I find the action erotic.

Oh yeah, _definitely_ drunk.

"Yeah... happy..." I don't bother trying to drink the very last drop. Toasting with an empty cup is bad luck, anyway.

A silence falls over the both of us, but it's a pregnant one, full of words I want to say, but am not sure how to form them, both out of wanting to be respectful and being way too wasted. I let my cup clatter to the ground, alerting Mako who lazily turns to me. Words on the tip of my tongue begin to burn, like holding in a mouthful of hot food. I want to ask... I want to ask...

"Hey... Mako..." I begin. "...How do you plan on doing it, anyway- the suicide, I mean? I don't think I can handle too much blood..."

"Oh, don't worry, I can't stand blood either, or pain. And there's a chance I'd just puke up pain killers or sleeping pills." Mako explains. The way she talks about it makes my skin crawl. I feel immediately uncomfortable as she lists off ways she doesn't want to commit suicide, waiting apprehensively for the way she _can_. "So... here, I'll show you."

Mako stumbles over to me and takes me by the arm. I'm so weak and drunk at this point she's easily able to do it (though, I wonder, if she's as drunk as me, how she's able to pull off such a feat) without any struggle from me. She leads me back into the hotel room, over cups and bottles and back over to the bed, where she sits me down and begins to search through her bag.

" _This_ is how I'm going to do it." She tells me, holding up a small plastic bag. There's only a single capsule in it- sort of anti-climactic really. I, for some reason, expected something a little... bigger. "Cyanide."

"What!?" I gasp. "You can get that stuff?"

"If you look around the internet long enough, sure. I've had this on me for a really long time, though. I got a hold of this months back..." Mako sighed, resting the baggie in her lap.

"...Does this sort of thing really take that much planning?" I ask her, words falling out of my mouth as I try to keep my cool. The languid feeling of the alcohol is leaving my body- leaving me tense and nervous once again. I'm still too weak to move my body too much, and too drunk to stop myself from carelessly talking, though.

"Not really. I'd actually planned on doing this a long time ago. Except, back then, I tried to confide in my little brother." She laughed and shook her head. "I don't think I've seen him cry that much since he was a baby. That was enough to keep me going for this long, at least. But now I'm sure even his tears wouldn't sway me. Eventually he'll stop crying- he'll get stronger, he'll grow. Life will go on, with or without me. And I'm sure my family will remember me fondly... and you?"

"Hmm?"

"Will you remember me fondly?"

Honestly, before tonight, me and Mako were hardly friends. I hardly ever spoke to her, never tried hanging out with her. I always thought she was a little weird (a few times I wondered if she was touched in the head, actually) and never really approached her. She was nobody to me until now. Now, she's everything.

Or maybe I'm just really drunk.

"Of course I will!" I nod. "I'll... always remember you."

"Good..." Mako smiles warmly, looking down at her lap- at the small, tiny pill that will take her life away. "Because... I've always really liked you, Ryuko. Maybe it's just a stupid, schoolgirl crush, but... I like you a lot, Ryuko. That's why I'm so glad I found you tonight. If there were regrets I could have, they'd be over never being able to tell you... that I love you."

My body grows warm, and I feel tears begin to form in my eyes. This time, Mako isn't facing away. This time, I don't have the will to wipe them away before they fall and ruin my mascara and my eye liner. This time, I let them fall while she watches.

"You... You really like me?"

"Of course I do, Ryuko." Mako reaches out and wipes away a tear from my cheek. "What? You act like you hardly ever hear anyone say that."

"I hear it a lot... from my clients at least. But this... this..." I sob, hiding my face in my hands. "This is just like..."

"Hmm?" Mako looks at me concerned, leaning in. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to Ryuko- if it makes you cry that much."

"No... I want to tell you. I want to tell you what I've never told anyone else..." I sniffle. "I'm not my father's daughter. My mom had an affair and then divorced my dad. I was a product of that affair, a constant reminder to my mother of what she'd done. She never remarried after that. I didn't even really know my dad until about the time I was in middle school, when my mom..." Unable to complete my sentence I begin crying again, so overcome with emotion I fell I might just faint.

"What happened to her?" Mako asked.

"My mom... died in an accident." I whispered, curling into a pathetic ball. "We'd gotten into a fight and I'd run out of the house. She was looking for me when she was struck by a car. I never got to tell her that I was sorry and that I loved her. I said such nasty things to her that day..."

"Ryuko..." Mako rests a single hand on my leg.

"After that, I had no one, so my dad had no choice but to take in the one reminder of his wife's infidelity. He couldn't stand to look at me, or even be around me. I'm sure I'm the reason he took his job overseas and left me and my sister, Satsuki, alone. So I've hardly ever heard anyone say they love me like that... not since my mom."

"Ryuko, I-?"

"Mako... why do all the people who love me leave?" I ask her, overcome completely by my emotions. I look over to her, my eyes stinging with tears. It gives Mako pause, but then she reaches out and pats my head gently, like a parent would their child.

"I'm not really leaving you, Ryuko. I'll be all around you, in the souls and hearts of the people who care about you the most." Mako assured me. Normally, sober me probably would have thought those words cheesy, but at this point, drunk off my ass and crying, those words overwhelm me as I reach out and wrap my arms around Mako, crying again.

"Ryuko... I have a request." Mako speaks softly, and I lift my head to look at her, sniffling and sobbing. "It's a little something up the ally of your job description, so... could you kiss me? I've never been kissed by anyone other than my parents, so..."

Before she can even finish, I launch myself forward onto her, my lips somehow, by some miracle, finding hers and locking us into the deepest kiss I can manage half-blind from tears and completely, hopelessly wasted. She falls down onto the bed and I land on top of her. The small baggie in her lap falls to the floor and I find the insight to push it away with my foot as I loom above her and kiss her like I've kissed no one else. I want the thing that will tear me and her apart as far away as possible right now.

I want to get as close to Mako as I can in these her final hours. I want to know her completely before losing her... completely.

* * *

I wake up with my head aching. Light from early morning shines in from the still open door out to the balcony, and a breeze blows in through it, displacing papers and brushing past curtains. I sit up, trying to retrace my steps as I look beside me. There's Mako, lying beside me, looking peaceful (and totally naked, but that doesn't surprise me. If anything, I remember her taking her clothes off the clearest). Despite what feels like the mother of all hangovers slowly making her entrance, I'm happy. Slowly, I reach out the shake Mako awake.

Nothing.

"Mako?" I call her name, shaking her again.

Nothing.

"Mako!?" I shout louder, leaning into my push as I shake her more firmly.

Nothing.

"Mako, wake up!" I practically scream as I take her firmly by the shoulders and shake her with all my might. She doesn't respond. Her body is cold. She doesn't even move.

Nothing.

Nothing.

Nothing.

"Mako!" I cry, resting my head against her chest, hearing nothing- getting only silence from inside of her. I can't summon words, or even thoughts. All I can do is cry. Cry, and call out her name, like she'll hear it and come back.

I cry and I cry and I cry- long after my tears run out and my voice grows hoarse. I cry so long and so hard my head starts to hurt more than what would have been suffered simply from the hangover. All I can think to do is cry. I know nothing will come of it, and that I do thousands of other things at this point, but all In can think of and want to do is cry.

Mako, I hate you for this. I hate you, because I love you.

Maybe minutes passed, maybe hours- maybe an eternity, but after some amount of time has passed I find myself reaching for the phone. I can't just leave her here, I refuse. I dial the number for emergency services, Mako's cold, lifeless body in my arms. I'll hold her here until the paramedics and police come. I'll hold her until they come to take her from me.

"Hello I... I need to report an accident... someone... _my friend_ is dead."

* * *

They keep me at the police station until day has begun to slip into night. There were so many questions, and I'm not exactly sure how I answered. I must have said all the right things, because I'm finally released, sent out into the world broken and void.

As I leave the station, I see Mako's parents shuffle into the same place I'd just walked out of, looking scared and unsure. They probably have no idea yet what has become of their daughter- or maybe they do, and they don't want to believe it yet. _I_ don't want to believe it yet. I want to believe I'll go to school tomorrow and find her in her usual seat, just like she always was- just like she was always supposed to be.

I should apologize to Ira when I have the chance. Even if he has no idea why, I should apologize.

I stop just outside the station, catching a glimpse of myself in the reflection of the window. My hair I'd been so careful to keep tame is now a complete mess. My clothes are about the same, unevenly buttoned and tied and hanging off me loosely, like they don't even fit. My makeup I carefully applied is now more down my cheeks than around my eyes. My lipstick is smeared from both crying and kisses. I touch my lips, remembering how warm hers had been.

Then I run.

I run even though it hurts, even though my head is pounding and my legs are weak. I run passed everyone, shoving myself through crowds of people getting off work and in front of cars that are forced to stop for me, hoking their horns angrily. I run and I run like I'm being chased- like I'm trying to escape something. You can't escape memories, though. No matter how fast I run, they catch up and linger.

Eventually, my body can no longer take the constant strain and finally, I trip over my own two feet and fall to the ground. My bag slips from my hands, clothes and makeup spilling out all over the sidewalk. And something else.

The money Mako had given me. Sometime during the night, she or I must have slipped it into my bag. I'd forgotten all about it.

I reach out and grab it- grab it like it's the neck of a person I want to strangle and kill. I don't want this money, I don't want any of it!

I rise to my feet, finding I'd come to rest on a bridge looking out over the ocean. I look out into the vastness, tears I thought I'd cried completely dry somehow surfacing once more- one final time. With all my might and strength I take the money in my hands and chuck it into the water before clutching the railing of the bridge and screaming out into the vastness of the ocean. I scream so loud, maybe, wherever Mako is now, she might even hear me. Maybe the sea breeze will carry my voice up and out to wherever her soul is and she'll hear me. Maybe she'll cry for me like I cried for her- like how I'm still crying.

Maybe...

* * *

It's long since been dark when I finally arrive home, dragging my feet up the walkway to the front door. Satsuki's sure to scold me. She's probably furious. Normally I'd feel annoyed just at the thought, but now I feel nothing- just empty. That is, until the door flies open and there, standing in the doorway, is Satsuki, looking like she's been crying as much as me.

"...Satsuki..." I mumble before she runs out into the yard and throws her arms around me.

"I'm so glad you're home! I was so worried, I... I thought I'd lost you!" She cried, pulling me close against her. "I thought I lost you like mom!"

Oh, that's right. Satsuki and I had different fathers, but our mother was the same. I guess that never really crossed my mind...

"Satsuki... I'm sorry. I'm home now." I tell her softly, embracing her back as I bury my face against her shoulder. "I'm ready... to tell you everything now. No more secrets."

"Sure, whatever you want. Let's just get inside." Satsuki nodded, slowly, hesitantly letting me go.

"Oh... and..." I begin. Satsuki turns around to face me, waiting for me to finish. "... I love you, sis."


End file.
